When Do I Get My Shoelaces Back?

..............A Diary of a Psychotic Breakdown

‘Sometimes I want to kill myself so much that the air grows thick with the urgency of it all.’
In Spring 2008 Suzy Johnston, who suffers from bipolar disorder along with its psychotic symptoms, fell ill with viral hepatitis A. Immediately she had to come off all her psychiatric medications and experienced her worst ever episode of severe mental illness, resulting in her recovering in a psychiatric ward for seven months.
This is the actual diary she kept during those fraught and dangerous times. This is a raw, immediate and highly literate account of psychosis, written ‘in real time’. Suicidal impulses, paranoia, hallucinations and delusions are described in acerbic and uncompromising language.
The account is a must-read for both mental health practitioners and anyone wanting a first hand impression of mental illness. No other account captures so vividly the unrelenting pain and pressure of in-patient recovery.

Foreword

It is a pleasure to be able to pen a short note of introduction to this latest book by Suzy. Written in the form of a journal, it gives the reader a ‘no holds barred’ and genuine account of a specific period of her life in hospital. While living through her pain, she demonstrates her courage, hope and determination to recover and tell her own story. She does this so well and gives us all a message of hope.
Breathing Space commends this touching journal to you. The subject matter is so personal and the uniqueness of the story so special. I hope that you in turn take time to look after yourself on your own journey and take the appropriate ‘breathing space’ you need to feel positive and well. Be uplifted and inspired! Tony McLaren, National Coordinator, Breathing Space

To read this book is truly a privilege. We follow a pathway of despair, distress, the highs and lows of recovery and ultimately share a very private healing. We are carried along an emotionally demanding and moving timeline, Eloquently written with such feeling that pages just move by. But to read it, and absorb it, is both powerful and uplifting. Such honesty and openness must be praised, as for many, to write (and therefore to some extent relive) would be too hard. But this journal is more than just an intensive, moving diary. It leads us to an outcome that shows how resilient we humans can be; how love, compassion and the right practical help get us through what feels like the most awful times. And that we often learn and
develop as people through such adversity.
Choose Life in Argyll & Bute is proud and honoured to have played a very small part in the process that led to publication of this unique work.
Dave Bertin, Choose Life Coordinator, Argyll & Bute